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Careful what you wish for…

Dear Santa,

first of all let me start by saying thank you for everything that you do. I appreciate you taking the time and delivering all those gifts to all those kids and stuff. Also, thank you for giving me what I asked for in, like, 1999 which was makeup.

I really appreciate it even if it was a few years later than expected. And a lot more than I expected.


At the same time, I have to sincerely apologize for my 1999 self who didn’t know any better. That dumb bitch should have asked for something a lot more meaningful.

So I will spare you the effort of going to Sephora or Ulta or whatever stores you go to to get me these gifts and I will only ask for one thing: money.

I’m thinking some cold, hard cash – maybe around $10 MM each year should totally do.

Oh, and please if you’re going to wait some years to fulfill this request like you did with my previous ones then make sure you adjust for inflation, mkay? Ten million dollars five years from now are NOT like ten million dollars today.

Also, this needs to be MY money and not me managing someone else’s cash. I know how you operate. I’ve known ever since, in first grade, you gave me a toy food processor instead of a robot. Just because the box said “kitchen robot” you thought you could get away with it. That is NOT a robot. A robot is shaped like a man only boxier and does stuff. A food processor may have the word “robot” in its name but it’s far from being one.

So please make sure that you get it right this time, ok?

Thanks in advance. Appreciate it and stuff. Good luck with the rain deers.

Posted: November 2nd, 2011
Categories: Humor, Life, Shopping
Tags: , , , , , ,
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